I'm so damn lucky and SO grateful for the experiences I've had, am having and will continue to have. Everything is on the up! Literally, every dream I've invested myself in, made my ENTIRE life for the past few years, its all well on its way to coming true. Its true, I've been a shit blogger as of late. But you know what, I've gone through soooo much bullshit in the past six months. And now, there's no bullshit. There are petty responsibilities, but I'm not upset. I'm goddamn elated. So yes, hardly anything coming from me, but why? Because I'm living it! Everything this blog is about, everything I've dedicated myself towards, is the very reason why I'm sitting in London right now. As I flew over, feeling nauseous, I made sure to take notice: Michelle of a few years ago would die right now. I don't want to be jaded.
Its amazing to think that all I did was once listen to a few choice records. Records that inspired me so much, that I listened to more records like it, records that inspired those artists, records that were inspired by them. I became infatuated with London and carved out a life for myself. I couldn't have been more far removed from that life. For the record, I am still leagues away from the aforementioned life I carved out for myself. But I'm on the fast track. I'm like those bitches at Disneyland who you curse for spending more money and getting to cut in line. (Or, just get a wheelchair. It works.) But I didn't spend more money (or feign an illness), the inkling of magic that has trickled into my life has come entirely by my own merit. Its come because I'm willing to do everything to get to my dreams. Its come because I have such a sensational amount of faith. I've taken on this guise, this mantra of sorts... Whenever something doesn't happen, I think, "Its not supposed to happen yet. I'm not fully prepared to take it on completely and reap its every benefit." Because, I shit you not, there are things that I forgot I dreamed about, that are now happening. And I'm still dreaming. Whenever I accomplish something, I dispose of it. Its true and its unhealthy as fuck, but its true. So I must admit, prior to writing this, I felt sort of strange about not being as excited as I was the last time I came here. Seriously? Jaded on trip two? Get a grip. And I am. Because I'm seriously in the infant stages of everything. I am getting accustomed to my surroundings. I am getting more comfortable will wholly being myself even when I'm intimidated (its honestly the best route) and if you're nervous or out of your league, just say so! People find it limitlessly refreshing when someone is so not shy about who they are. I mean, don't you? And yeah, people are just like you. They are you, right? Cut from the same cloth. I personally loathe when someone puts on a facade, so why the fuck would you want to do the same?
This post was intended to be a super serious look at how music makes me feel and how its led me here, so that when I go, "Hey let me interview you! [Blog link here]", people go, "Oooh! She gets it. She gets why I'm in music in some form." But this could actually mean nothing to a particularly fascinating interview-worthy individual, but those who will get it are the ones who know what I'm about. The ones who, over the last... year and a half(?) watched me prosper. Watched me grow, and stall, and dream, and wish, and get excited. Unabashed excitement. This used to be my total creative platform and now I just cringe and think, "Fuck... I'm lame."
This has nothing to do with anything - but I love the vibes of the Tupelo Honey set.
But it is, it is about the music. And I intended on that subject, because its something we all know. You're not in music, or you don't read silly music blogs, if you don't have it. Even the most jaded, money-hungry fuckers you'd run across, they know it. They feel it. Its why we're all here. That's why everyone (uh, or those who aren't utterly deprived), go to gigs, listen to records. We all love that feeling. So, no ego, anywhere, ever. It all boils down to the same thing. Musicians are just fans (even if they often want to be thought of as super-Gods), and they're just chasing that feeling. I always remind myself that even the people you worship and admire, they're just babies in diapers somewhere. Little pipsqueaks who know nothing of the world. They are those people, and like everyone else, they still bear a bit of that baggage. (Honestly, when you cut it down to the basics and think "Even John Lennon had to be potty-trained", well then, how can he possibly be a God?)
I love that feeling and I love chasing it, and I hate that I haven't been hit with anything incredible lately. Or rather, I hate that I haven't written about what's hit me. But I love where my life is heading. And I promise that next time something TOTALLY inspires me. I'm gonna come write about it. That is the only difference between myself now and before. And, well, now I can hole up in a room and just do it - luxuries, man!
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